he nexus of my six honeycomb pieces began with my body- with a metamorphosis that happened at some point last year that fundamentally changed the way I exist in the world.
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In Memory: Green to Blue
When my partner of seven years begins to see another woman, he will buy me a small, calico cat.
It’s a Saturday in November and we’re out together when I see the cat in a cage in a PetCo. He immediately offers to buy her for me and I won’t think that there’s anything unusual in this. Instead, I’m fixated on how shy she is-- dashing beneath the bed and remaining there for weeks-- and I worry I’ll a new cat in this small family of ours who is scared of most people and by extension, the world. But the cat will come out at the same time he does: “I’ve decided I don’t love you anymore,” he’ll say. And, I will think it’s me.
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Clean Space: A Really Long Essay
Do we ever know the true nature of love, or even of ourselves? Buddhist monk and spiritual leader Jack Kornfield wrote that “the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, and who among us is willing to destroy their own heart?” In an intimate and guided search, sometimes we can find the answer.
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Book Review: The Power of Six by Philip Harland
It might seem strange to start this post by writing about ants. After all, it’s winter and they are not doing their best to invade my house through every unsealed nook and cranny. Yet, ants are a perfect illustration of the idea of “emergent knowledge,” which informs Philip Harland’s book The Power of Six and the facilitation practice I love more and more, called “Clean Space.”
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The Power of Margins
Transformation often happens when we cannot see the path ahead, and when uncertainty demands something of us that was not there before. There is a power in white space, the margins. It is the power of possibility.
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Book Review: The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, MD
A few days ago, I finished Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture. It wasn’t a book I’d been planning on reading, but within its 500 pages, I found the compassion and love inside of myself that I have needed to heal, and to move forward in life. Join me for the first of many book reviews.
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A frigid morning revealed the intricate patterns of ice crystals upon the ground. Fractals are patterns that perpetuate ourselves… as can be behaviors, desires, thoughts and other patterns that govern our daily lives.
Frozen Fractals: How Patterns Teach Us About Ourselves
I can see my breath as clouds in an unnamed place on the Applegate Emigrant Trail, somewhere between the Nevada Ghost town Vya and distant Denio. These are the spaces that I have come to love— not only because they are vast and mysterious in their silent histories, or loud with spaces in the histories they omit, but because they ask silent questions of us when we are fully present within them.
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Creative Conversation: Interview with Author Karen Laos
I joined author Karen Laos at the end of her day-long book launch for her book Trust Your Own Voice. Granted, it’s been a minute since I’ve been in the interview space, but I can’t even tell you how wonderful it was to be back, listening to the way Karen’s life unfolded and how her insights on truth, self-confidence—and even the title of her book— were a result of her choice to follow the path she wanted.
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Marlette Lake 50K: Power of Embodied Metaphors
How I got to the starting line of an ultramarathon—my first 50k— wasn’t exactly a straight line.
In a lot of ways, it reminds me of how I became an athlete to begin with— through happenstance that included an eating disorder, getting over that, freelancing for local newsweeklies and then a lot of Master’s degrees. It was a journey one of my thesis advisors asked, after reading my thesis, which turned into my first book: “Do you think this would be in the self-help section of the bookstore? Like, as a how-to for other people who want to get into long-distance running?”
“Good God, I hope not,” I said….
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Why Soul-Based Coaching is NOT Counseling
in Write
Once again, I set myself up for a “big” Saturday. The plan? Wake up at 4 a.m. to hit the Emigrant Trail outside of Truckee for my longest run to date since 2015 or so (15 miles) where I’d meet my friend for a mountain bike ride on that same trail (17.82 miles total) to help break in her new mountain bike and to introduce her to the world of single-track trails. So, I started running on a trail blazed in orange light and another topic came to mnd that is relevant to this long day of mine insofar as it relates to how I understand the world, and how I want to go about facing the challenges that come up in life from time to time.
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Certification: Complete!
A bit over a year ago today I started a journey down a path I never really envisioned myself walking. For over a decade, I’ve been a professional writer, a co-author, a product reviewer, a technical writer, a blogger, a literary essayist and an elite endurance athlete. Never-ever in that map of my own identity did I—or could I— see myself as an entrepreneur, a business owner and/or a coach, but somehow, that’s where I’ve arrived.
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The Life I Love
It only goes so far to define your life by what has happened before. I realized this week that I’m much more interested in where my life is going than where it has been. Granted, where it has been is what my book is about, and sending that out opens another can of worms that typically results in me having the worst anxiety attacks ever… which has led me to wanting a new beginning, a new start.
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Revising Expectations, Revise Your Life
I went on the prescribed ten-mile “easy” run this morning anyway, hitting the trail around 6 a.m. and watching distant storm clouds cast God rays on mountains across the valley. In a way, I am grateful I have a bit extra time to train (I can really pick how much extra time I have), and to really settle into running a lot more miles (and see if this is even something I can do, given how much I’ve been injured before.)
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A New Starting Line
This morning, I watched the sunrise light the eastern horizon beneath pink cotton candy clouds as I ran alone along the shoulder of Alexander Lane that climbs up one side of Rattlesnake Mountain and down to Veteran’s Parkway. Around mile four or so, the road eventually meets the bike path where I spent my mornings rollerskating by the marshes last year. If I’m completely honest, I wasn’t sure I could complete the entire 6.5 mile loop this morning, running, but since it was 5 a.m. and I was up anyway, I thought: why not give it a try?
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Discovering New Possibilities on Old Trails
in Write
Like a lot of us, I’ve been stuck in the house for basically a year, and so when a friend of mine who had never been hiking before asked me if we could go hiking together, I decided I needed to close the front door of the house behind me and step into the world I knew and loved so much before life got complicated, and I forgot this essential part of myself.
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Repairing the World
OMG friends, how is it Sunday night already? Where does the time go? My thoughts on writing, friendship and raising unexpected ducklings post-COVID-19.
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Stepping into the light
Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to write a blog. In a way, I get it: this year has been transformational: I completed the 9-month training program for Soul-Based Coaching, and am currently finishing up the final details of the certification process. I wrote a book, my memoir, “All That Circles and Shines” with the wonderful support of my editor Megan Febuary and her “Your Book Year” program. I launched my LLC, With Wings, in March 2021, exactly a year after the shutdowns in 2020 that felt like the world is ending. So much has changed!
I’ve decided to share this journey with you. My entire life I told myself I wanted to be a writer. I was ready for it, I thought, since day 1: sharing my story seemed as easy as the flicker of my hands on a keyboard. What could be more natural than turning my memories and thoughts into a narrative? It turns out, it’s not easy, but easy when I compare it to the work of actually putting it out into the world. And that’s funny to me, because I have been “putting myself out there” for a long time.
For those of you who don’t know, I started my writing journey in 2006. I wanted to get an MFA (Master of Fine Arts) degree in writing, and my life wasn’t going so great, so I used the last of my savings to pay for twelve applications to MFA programs around the country. I was working at a ski shop and living in someone else’s basement. It was not the best time in my life. Anyway, I received twelve rejections in reply, and I really thought my life, at that point, was over.
I won’t go into the details, but I did end up going to graduate school—not in writing, but in French— where I remained for one, two and three (an MFA at long last) graduate degrees. In the midst of all of that, I started running. Inspired by the 2009 film Julie and Julia I started a blog I called “The Miles and Pages Project” where I documented my journey to run a marathon fast enough to get me to the 2012 Olympic Trials. I didn’t run fast enough (I missed the mark by 48 seconds), but the blog won an award and was the reason why I landed a spot in an MFA program, which then inspired me to write my first memoir, to land an agent and then, oddly enough, to gain experience as both a ghost-writer and coauthor.
And so, ten years later, here I am: I know the power of embodied metaphors because, as an endurance athlete I have lived them. I know the power of stories because I have written my own and others’. So here I am: diving deep into my metaphors, my life, this journey, while simultaneously facilitating my clients to do the same.
If you’ve never experienced Soul-Based Coaching, it’s hard to describe. I can say “metaphor” until I’m blue in the face and most people go back to their high school English class when metaphor was like this dead fish you had to dredge out of the river of some gawd-awful old reading that had nothing to do with your life. The thing is: we’re all ways speaking in metaphors (I’m against a wall, it feels like I’m pulling dead weight, I’m so dog tired, I’m underwater….) have you ever taken the time to really, truly, think about what those images mean for you?
That’s what I do as a coach who uses Soul-Based Coaching techniques. Interestingly enough, that’s what I do when writing about my life, too. What does it mean that I felt alone? What kind of alone was that alone? Where was that alone, and where did it come from?
I’m no expert, and I still have so much to learn, but this work has enabled me to really re-frame and find my voice—my soul, really— to this time in my life when it feels as though I’ve climbed a really high mountain, which was dangerous and scary—to reach a point where I can claim and make this story—this life—my own.
So… follow me! I’ve got a plan and I want to tell you all about what it’s like to write a really personal book and shop it around as I build my business and do all the other weird stuff I do (run, write, Orange Theory Fitness, raising baby ducks, knitting, photography, cycling, etc. Lots of etc.)
Check back here for coaching updates, writing updates— all the good stuff. <3 , loves.
On this journey...with wings
It’s been a while since I blogged. Honestly, it’s been a busy few months. I’m completing my work to become a certified Soul-Based Coach, I’m 250 pages into my memoir manuscript and I work a full time job! I feel like my plate is full….but at least everything on it is beautiful, delicious, nourishing and exactly as it should be!
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Dear Body December, Part 2
These are selected prompts from the DearBodyDecember writing challenge organized by #ForWomenWhoRoar and their #YourBooYear community.
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Dear Body December, Part 1
For the month of December, I participated in the #DearBodyDecember writing challenge, offered by #ForWomenWhoRoar and #YourBookYear which offered one writing prompt per day. These are the first three prompts from the challenge.
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