Shit, shit, shit.
It’s only four weeks into my journey and I’ve already broken the cardinal rule of blogging: never, ever break your promise to your readers that you will have a new blog up ever. As something of a veteran blogger, I should know better (I do know better)— but forgive me, because I do, actually, have some fairly good reasons why I missed an important deadline. (If you’re still mad at me after reading this blog, however, I totally understand. I’ll do better next week— promise.)
In a nutshell: I’m still injured and it sucks.
I didn’t do anything but ride the bike last week in a seven-day stretch of interval/CT classes at Great Basin Bicycles. My quads and hamstrings felt like hamburger after all that, which really says something about the need to cross-train and stretch. The bright light in all of that riding is that my power is up—considerably— and so I’m starting to get excited about racing again. Maybe not racing a lot, but picking a few events, throwing my name in the hat and seeing what happens.
I also really missed the camaraderie of cycling— it was fun to see all the guys from last year, and to hear what everyone’s been up to.
Last week was finals week.
And, even though I’m old, I took a class this semester and so for the first time in about a decade, I got to experience the true meaning of the sentence: “this week is finals week.” That was also part of the reason I didn’t try to run or do anything crazy, because I needed those soleus and gastroc muscles to propel me into the air for various leaps and whatnot for my Modern Dance class.
I’m not sure if I’ve told you the story about why I decided to take Modern Dance, but basically: I’ve never taken a dance class and now that I can, I thought: why not? I was definitely the oldest student in the class. It also seemed to take me longer to learn the steps than the younger students, too, which is part of the reason why I was so nervous (we’d only learned these series of movements two weeks before.) And then, there’s the obvious: I’m really not used to dancing in front of someone who will later assign me a grade, so there was that.
However, when the familiar music (entitled “Bubbles”) started to play and it was my turn to perform for my final grade, I had the most outrageous thought: I really just need to have fun with this, because who knows when I’m going to be able to do this again?
And so, I really just focused on having fun, which included the choreography another student and I came up with which utilized bubble wrap (because the song we were dancing to was named “Bubbles” remember?)
Despite the fact I was successful (I passed my first college-level dance class ever!!) I think the lesson I learned was: always have fun with it. There’s plenty of things to be stressed out about in life—dance should never be one of them.
I had a major creative breakthrough.
This is probably the least relevant for a blog about training for an athletic event, but part of the reason why I stopped racing all the time was so that I could dedicate more time and attention to my writing. Recently, the college where I work invested in a series of online writing classes for me to take. This weekend, I (perhaps obsessively) started in on them, completing several lessons.
What have I learned? The need to write constantly. To journal. To take an essay you’ve written and “break it”, re-structure, re-organize, re-write it. Do it all by hand. Stay up late and wake up early to write. Read incessantly. Listen to podcasts about the strangest things. Ask the subjects you want to write about unusual questions like: When’s the last time you touched a monkey? instead of the bland small-talk: how are you?
Expect nothing, but continually create and question. Immerse yourself in the world. Never be satisfied with being the person who only gives 10% of themselves. In writing as in life, go all out.
I was published.
Exactly one year ago, I started writing an essay that was really difficult for me to write. It was inspired, in part, by the gray winter clouds that hang low over the Sierra Nevada mountains and what that image, once, had meant to me— and how the meaning behind images or ideas can change (even if we still remember what we thought about them when we were young.) I called this essay “Graphite/Gravity” because it really dives into a lot about my ideas about art, or how I saw myself as an artist once, but how I lost my ability to use visual expression as a means to communicate my inner story, my soul.
I told myself that if I published this essay in a year that I would stay on this path as a writer, and continue to dedicate myself to telling stories as best I can. If not, I would have only one year off the bike, which in the grand scheme of things, is really no big deal.
I met my goal literally on the day of.
I have mixed feelings about this— on the one hand, I can’t even tell you how much this essay made me cry and how writing it was revolutionary and scary. I actually debated whether or not I should send it out into the world at all. But, ultimately, I believe that my experiences can help others to know that even the most horrible and challenging moments in life can help us to grow into the people we are meant to be.
So, I sent it out, and received twelve rejections. Today, I received notice that the essay will be published in the Sierra Nevada Review late in 2020.
I had an epiphany.
Finally, I had an epiphany after I binge-read the novel On Earth, We are Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong. My epiphany came to me in a dream. I’ll spare you the narrative, but I’ve been left with this idea that very often we construct prisons for ourselves--or these tangible boundaries-- which isn't inherently a bad thing. Life, after all, requires us to live within certain contexts and circumstances, which necessitates some form of compartmentalization. What's bad is that we forget that these boundaries or limits are our own creations, and so we forget that we know the way out of them when they are no longer useful to us.
Life is never only and ever one thing (nor is art, expression, athletics, writing, dancing) it is many things, and we are limitless in our ability to create, to dream to become inspired, to race, to ride a bike, to run, to walk-- to constantly make and remake (redefine, revise) ourselves through our devotion to a particular practice or passion.
I wish that was easier to remember. Sometimes our biggest barriers are the ones we’ve inadvertently created for ourselves.
So, I’m moving forward, and doing my best to stay in shape. This week, I’ll be on the bike five out of the seven days. Then, I’ll do four days of cross-training on a strider and rowing machine and several core exercises.
Follow me.
Despite my bad blogger etiquette, please continue to follow me on my journey as I train for the California Coast Classic. As always, if you want to support me as I train and blog, and blog and train, and train, train, train, check out my donation page.
If you donate, we can even discuss me blogging about you! (Yes, totally totally! YOU!)
More importantly, no matter if you too faced a week of final exams, a busy week at work or stress from life in general, please take a deep breath and make time for the people in your life you love—including your awesome self. So what if you’re late on your blog post (right? I was!!) Take care of you, and make the world a better place by being the amazing person you are.
<3 to the nth, R